Gratitude of Consternation
by tikki de lune
Summary: ONE SHOT.The title should be understood by the time you finish reading. E T. Inspired by a more serious fic, Beloved by Sageseeker please forgive me , this is a lighter one.is


(Disclaimer: I don't own CCS. I don't own the song Wasting My Time by Default either.)

(AN: Tomoyo's POV in Italics. Eriol's POV in plain font. You'll get it, anyway. Underlined words are the song lyrics. There are some words that are written for effect, others for the figurative side, so please understand it. This is a serious fic.)

Gratitude of Consternation

By tikki de lune

"Ja, Daidouji-san."

SLAM!

Without much difficulty, I alighted down the steps towards the gates of the Daidouji mansion. It wasn't what I had expected, but nevertheless, she talked.

+++FLASHBACK+++

"I heard about Sakura-chan's engagement," I stated bluntly. I had to try, even if it would hurt me. To see her cry is the last thing my heart would ever do. But to see her hide her sorrow under a mask of joy is something I cannot contend with. 

I looked on calmly as tears streamed down my china doll's porcelain face. I continued sipping my tea though my heart couldn't take this rueful sight. I wanted to rush to her, hug her soft form, console her. But this is what I chose to do. Removing the thorn would ease the pain, though the wound may be hard to heal. But it was better than to numb the pain and let the harsh memories haunt her sleep.

"Hai," came the whisper of confirmation that was tearing her apart. She was trying to accept it. Trying to remove the chains that bound her soul, but at the same time restraining it.

I prolonged my silence, knowing the aftermath was yet to come. While maintaining my stoic gaze upon the raven-eyed lass, who had captured my elusive heart, my brain continuously prodded to prepare for the onslaught of her emotions. 

"I've never hurt her! I was the one who was always there for her, why then!" she tried to pick up the pieces of her heart, one by one.

"Yet she chose him! Him who had hurt her! Him who ignored her, him who…who," she couldn't continue to spit the venom who was the Chinese sorcerer.

I stood up slowly, fighting the adrenaline pumping my muscles to move quickly. I slid beside her, pulling her against me as her form shook with her racking sobs. She let the tears flow for a while as the stillness remained. 

"Arigatou, Eriol-kun," she stammered. "Demo…" a pause. Hesitation, unsure of her next action. "I really want to be left alone right now." Finality with hesitation.

But who is going to save you when you fall again, I reasoned in silence. "Are you sure?"

"Hai. Leave, onegai."

One more time I tried to dissuade her. I wouldn't tear myself away from her. Especially now that she is so vulnerable to dangers lurking around her. "Just give me a ring if you need anything."

Her mind seems made up though. "You're just wasting your time," a snappish remark. She walked to the door, opened it wide, and without looking at me, she waited. "Well, Hiiragizawa-san?"

No choice_._ "Ja, Daidouji-san."

SLAM!

Well, I don't want to see you waiting 

I've already gone too far away

I still can't keep the day from ending

No more messed up reasons for me to stay

The soft green grass swayed along to the currents of the moving air. A storm is brewing as dark clouds gathered for a clashing display of thunder and lightning. The lake's face began to crack as raindrops tore the surface tension.

I didn't care if my vision was getting blurry with raindrops splattering on my glasses. I conveniently forgot to bring an umbrella to shield myself from this harsh weather. But it was better, the cold rain washing me my tears, and dirtied pieces of my despairing soul. 

Well this is not for real

Afraid to feel

I just hit the floor

Don't ask for more

I'm wasting my time

I'm wasting my time

You can't stop the feeling

And there's no reason

Just make the call

And take it all

Woah again

I trudged back to my home. It was just my luck that I forgot not to pass by her house. This ritual I've been doing for the past times has become part of my system every time I go home from school. Because as part of this practice, I happened to raise my gaze upon her window. Which was open. With her staring right at me. She must've been surprised at being caught, for in hasty movements, she closed her window and pulled the curtains. I sighed, and went on walking back.

__

Why did he have to make my life difficult? I was contented being left alone in solitude and here he comes, intruding my privacy. What gives him the right?

I stare out in the blurry scene from my window. Contemplating this afternoon has made me bitter towards the supposed friend I had over. The one who could've just left me alone.

Suddenly, my auditory senses pick up splashes on the wet pavement. As it turns out, it was Eriol walking along the street. I continued to stare at him, the bitterness fading as regret ate me. Just as I opened my mouth to call him, he looks up and catches me peering at his forlorn form. Embarrassed, and at the same time worried, I quickly closed my window and went down to save him from the rain. 

"Eriol-kun!" I called out, but my voice wasn't heard for he was already long gone. I got back inside, took my raincoat, and rushed out again to find him.

See you waiting

Lonesome, lonely

See you waiting

I see you waiting

I could see the gates of my manor from afar. Yet a sudden change of mind made me turn left. The forest beyond the park seemed a good place of momentary refuge. 

_I continue to search for you but where are you to be found? Guilt is eating me, you know? For pushing you away from myself, forbidding you to seal my heart. Forbidding you to seal my fate. I've become confused when you left a while ago. Strange emotions that I couldn't imagine would occur to me again, suddenly warmed my body, giving me the strength I need to find you. To settle this once and for all._

Well this is not for real

Afraid to feel

I just hit the floor

Don't ask for more

I'm wasting my time

I'm wasting my time

You can't stop the feeling

And there's no reason

Just make the call

And take it all

Woah again

I sought a place among the trees. Finally, I sat down on a root under a tree. Big enough to protect me for a while. 

She's right, I'm wasting my time. Why bother to help someone who shuns you anyway?

Demo… it hurts, koishii. I hurt too. I just don't want to be burden for you that's why I can't admit it yet.

This silent meditation continues for a while, making me forget the severe weather which up to now shows no signs of letting up. Making my clothes an assurance of pneumonia tomorrow. Making my heart continuously pine for your presence.

"Eriol-kun!" a faint voice calling me. The nearing presence that was heating up my body. I looked up in front. It couldn't be…

_What is he doing there? Is he baka or what? I stopped in front of him, looking at his sullen state._

"Eriol-kun!" I dropped my umbrella and hugged his drenched form. "Daijoubu ka?"

Daijoubu ka? Concern? Somehow, this little sign has given me a flicker of hope that she could open herself up to me.

"Daijoubu desu."

"Oh Eriol-kun! I'm so sorry. It's my fault you're here. Please forgive me," she whispered against my skin while hot tears burned my aching body. "I was feeling very confused and I vented my anger and frustration at you, gomen nasai."

"It's okay, it's only right for you to do that" I said, smoothing her hair and inhaling its sweetness.

"But after you left, I became even more confused." Her cries seemed to worsen with every passing second. Somehow, she was restraining it in an odd way. Her statement was startling. What does it mean? That I've made a mess for her? 

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. After you left, it was like a part of me collapsed. I felt helpless without you. Because you were the only one who had noticed my sadness and helped me even if I was so cruel to you," she babbled on the selfless things I've done for her while I listened, trying to understand. 

"I think… it is because that… I may have fallen for you."

My heart stopped. The functioning processes taking place inside my head momentarily halted. My Tomoyo-chan, all along, had accepted my love, without me knowing it. How could I have been such an ignoramus? 

_"What?" Eriol must've said something._

"Thank you."

***Please review!


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